Tag: marriage

Love Journal disaster for Jonny Depp and Amber Heard… but can they be useful for the rest of us?

As we have seen for Amber Heard and Jonny Depp, a Love Journal was probably not the best way of communicating with each other… but perhaps there was no successful way for them to communicate with each other as we sit in the aftermath of their toxic defamation trial. 

I didn’t know they were a thing until I saw it being brought up in the trial and it got me thinking, for us regular folk, would a Love Journal be a good or a bad idea for a relationship?

On one hand… We are all so busy! With kids, fur babies, house plants adopted during covid, work demands, exercise routines, friends, binging shows, Marie Kondo’ing our wardrobes, keeping on top of the household chores and nonsensically getting stressed trying to carve out some “self-care” time… making sure you show appreciation for your loved one can sometimes go amiss. You probably have the thought, in the moment when they go out of their way to do something like leave a thermos of tea on the kitchen bench for your drive into work before they left for the day… and you think to yourself ‘oh wow that was really nice’ but you don’t get around to actually saying it to them do you?

That’s where the love journal can come in handy. A way to communicate little bits of gratitude for each other, in writing. 

But it could also become a New Testament in Biblical proportions for passive aggressiveness too, but could this not be a good way to expose any cracks in your relationship?

I guess it depends on how trivial it gets. What we don’t want is a back and forwards of “You  really upset me when we were in bed last night about to go to sleep and I was telling you about how insane the price of bananas were today at the shops and you actually fell asleep while I was talking” or  “I found it really upsetting when you yelled at me for 5 mins for not putting the 8 decorative pillows on the bed “correctly” this morning.”

To get some professional perspective, I sought the advice of Jennifer Park who not only happens to be my lovey sister-in-law, but also an Integrated Therapist for individuals and couples who specialises in Psychotherapy for adults and couples focussing on relationships. On what she thought should be the purpose of a Love a Journal in a relationship, she told me that “I imagine the aim is to assist in deepening intimacy, understanding each other’s needs and wants and making the time to invest in the success of the relationship by allowing the journal to be a conduit to open communication and vulnerability, leading to a strengthening and deepening of connection.” 

Does she think that a love journal can make a relationship stronger? “Yes, I believe it would, it may be a comfortable way to express oneself in a way that could feel unfamiliar and intimidating otherwise.” But she also says the success of a Love Journal is based on one condition, which clearly was not agreed too, before Depp and Heard started theirs given the nuclear decimation of their relationship. Jennifer says, “If it is to be a success then it’s important both parties come at it with the same intention, commitment and focus.” So, if both parties set and agree to the intentions of the Love Journal and set boundaries around what can be written… and what can’t (no whinging about who’s turn it is to put the bin out) then it can actually make a relationship stronger as Jennifer goes on to say “it may be a comfortable way to express oneself in a way that could feel unfamiliar and intimidating otherwise”.

Above all, I think a love journal could purely be used as a couple’s gratitude book. No relationship is perfect, there are always going to be moments when you crack under life’s pressures and the stress of the day to day becomes overwhelming and your partner simply breathing makes you irate and regretfully snap. But if you have a book that records the romantic and grateful things you each do, no matter how insignificant that would usually go unaccounted for then I think it would keep the perspective intact of why you fell in love in the first place. 

If anything, Jennifer says “I would imagine it would be a nice thing to look back on in a relationship”. I must agree, a nice personal romance novel that could collectively put Danielle Steel out of business.

This article is written with thanks to Jennifer Park from ‘Jennifer Park Therapy’.

Insta: @the_london_ therapist

Website: www.jenniferparktherapy.co.uk.

Couple Dressing. Cringe Worthy or Cute?

More and more we’re seeing the rising trend of couple dressing. Accidental or on purpose, couple dressing has been around for a while. Whether you find it cringe worthy or super cute, it’s here to stay. I have become prone (victim?) to couple dressing. I can count on two hands the number of times I have jumped in the car with my always patiently waiting husband or turned up to meet him at an event wearing the exact same outfit as him. To the point where the kids now think it’s a hilarious running joke… not so much when we do it out in public with them.

From Victoria and David Beckham in matching leather Gucci suits, Kate Hudson and husband Danny Fujikawa wearing matching Christmas onesies, Jonah Hill and Sarah Brady in pale blue matching Gucci suits at the premiere of “don’t Look Up” (I see you Gucci jumping on this trend…Double $$$), Prince Harry and Megan with their family denim Christmas card look which was really just a poor attempt at taking the “Couple Denim Dressing Achievement Award” off Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake at the AMA’s back in 2001 and no one can ever forget that fashion moment, regrettably. The celebs really are still leading the way for couple dressing to be a ‘thing’. 

But it just doesn’t stop at couples. Families are getting in on the trend as well. You can find designers that specialise in matchy matchy outfits for parents and their offspring. Pinterest is littered with it! Dad and son matching swimwear is a huge one and mum and daughter dresses. We saw same-same family PJ sets littering the catalogues of Kmart and Target this season. 

Let’s not forget the ever so popular family photoshoot down on the beach where all wear white t-shirts and jeans. Everyone perfectly groomed with parents shouting at their kids through gritted teeth fused in a wonderful fake smile “Can’t you all just pretend to be happy for 1 minute!” with the result perfectly framed and speckling the walls of family home staircases around the world proclaiming evidence of the picture-perfect family that lives there.

But are two adults dressing exactly the same in public, taking it too far?

Let’s do a quick deep dive into the reasons why two people in a relationship want to dress the same. At the forefront it shows a united front, couple branding, pack mentality, family identity, team spirit, show of loyalty or just because they really love each other… and more than likely, to embarrass the hell out of the kids. Is it not also a class style statement as well… God forbid my partners tie doesn’t clash with my dress! (Face palm).

But at the end of the day, when you spend and share so much time with someone, and both of you have a similar taste it’s inevitable that you will dress similar. Some studies suggest that you even start to physically look similar… but that’s a whole other article! 

Maybe it’s all a ruse to get you out the door quicker if there is a sense of a “couples’ uniform”? Whoever gets dressed first sets the precedence to the type of attire for the outing and minimises the 6000 wardrobe changes? 

All one can hope, is that the person who has the best fashion forward sensibility and taste of the two, has the slightly more dominating edge in the relationship, for all our sake.